Is your God too small?

 Who is this that even the wind and waves obey him?

Last week we went on holiday to the Suffolk coast. Usually one half term of dealing with Alice's poor sleep and Harry's need for order is enough and by the time a school holiday comes around I am ready to retreat (usually to my parents' house) and recuperate. By the time we arrived at our holiday cottage I had tied my heart up in knots of weariness and anxiety. Harry relaxes almost immediately at the seaside, but Alice was coughing and not sleeping well and not eating, and those knots were getting pulled tighter.

I had taken with me a book called 'Grace People' by Michael Baughen, a really wonderful book which goes through God's promises and shows how the whole Bible ties together into one story. I reached chapter three, all about God's 'creation covenant', the promise he makes after the flood:

As long as the earth endures, seed time and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease.

  (Genesis 8:22)

At home in my kitchen I have a verse from Isaiah pinned to the wall. When I first read it, it struck me as so beautiful. Recently, I have to admit, my eyes have skimmed it but my heart hasn't responded. I have been too busy carrying worry around.

Even to your old age and grey hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

Isaiah 46:3-5

As I read Michael Baughen's explanation of God's promise to sustain creation, of the magnitude and power and merciful, faithful love behind that promise, my heart began to lighten. He goes on to talk about other parts of the Bible that show God as the creator and sustainer of the world and all it contains. Then he comes to the New Testament and shows how this theme continues:

Through him [Jesus] were all things made... he is sustaining all things by his powerful word. 

John 1 and Hebrews 1

Hang on, he is sustaining- he's doing it right now. The waves are crashing on the beach, the sun is rising and setting, the blossom is out on the trees. Jesus is sustaining me and my family even as I am busy doubting it. He is sustaining the whole world, of course he knows my little girl needs to eat, and how easy for him to help.

And once again I experienced that peace that Jesus not only promises but actually delivers, that comes to me when I open his words in the Bible and open my heart.  It surprises me and delights me every time. Suddenly it was easy to trust. I just need to keep going back every time those knots begin to form.

Easter bunnies

Whenever there is a sunny but cold spring day, my thoughts turn to chocolate eggs. My childhood Easters were full of breezy days rolling hard boiled eggs down hills to break the shells, (how did my granny get them quite that difficult to crack?) hot cross buns on Good Friday, church and of course far too much chocolate. Lots of aunties and uncles means lots of eggs. We would line them up along the top of Granny's piano and they were not to be opened till Easter Sunday. I have to say, though, I don't remember quite so many bunnies. They are everywhere now, all over pinterest and the shops.

The last few years, I have enjoyed recreating these childhood moments with my own children, and creating new traditions too. I have a photo of Alice just after her operation, in her pyjamas, painting eggs. This year, despite life being a bit calmer for once, I simply haven't got round to it. Perhaps it is because we were away last week and are away again now, perhaps I have simply been distracted. We haven't painted any eggs. We haven't made an Easter tree. We haven't made a resurrection garden (although there is still time for me to raid my mum's cupboards and dig up my dad's garden). And I am a bit disappointed with myself, because I have missed an opportunity to surround my children with images and words of Christ and what he has done for us.

Because they are surrounded by messages about Easter. Messages about cute bunnies who may or may not deliver chocolate. Messages that say 'are you ready for Easter' meaning 'have you bought enough eggs, preferably in our shop?' Messages that say it's not really about Jesus. Getting ready isn't really about meditating on the amazing loving sacrifice of the cross. And yes, I know it's the way of the world, but I don't want it to be the way of my children's Easter experience.

It's not that we haven't done anything. We have watched the Easter story on dvd, we have eaten hot cross buns and talked about the cross, we have done a simpler version of this (we ended up calling it Easter buckets for some reason!) I don't think for a minute they completely understood the message, but it doesn't matter- we talked about Jesus and made Easter about him. And I think I am getting better at 'gossiping Jesus'. I can't remember where I read that phrase, but it is all about this:

These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.

Deuteronomy 6: 6-8

We have had a picnic and talked about that picnic that Jesus had where he fed all those people from one boy's packed lunch. (Nicked that idea from a lovely book called 'Bake through the Bible'!) On the beach last week, we talked about who made the sea and the sky; we made sandcastles and I told them about God's promise to Abraham that his children would be 'more than the sand on the seashore' (Genesis 22).

Still, I have missed an opportunity to make Easter big and bold and a beautiful celebration. Chocolate is yum and bunnies are cute but only Jesus has a plan to save us from death. Next year I intend to decorate my house from top to bottom and celebrate in style.

A (short) thought for Mothers Day

My kids listen to the Australian singer Colin Buchanan in the car. He writes Christian music for children and it's very catchy (most of it). Lets face it, at this point in their lives they have no say in what they listen to, and I quite like this too! One of their favourite songs is called 'The Chooky and her chickies' (I did mention he's Australian didn't I?) Not least because the song involves lots of clucking like a chicken. So they get to be silly while learning a lovely truth about God- that he loves us like a mother hen loves her chicks. What a beautiful and motherly image. 

So in the words of Colin:

So if you're sad and sorry

Or if you're feeling worried

I suggest you hurry

To the shelter of God's wings.

 

Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing.
Matthew 23

My heart is not proud, Lord,
    my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
    or things too wonderful for me. 

 But I have calmed and quieted myself,
    I am like a weaned child with its mother;
    like a weaned child I am content.

Psalm 131

Happy Endings

I am addicted to happy endings. Ask my family and they will tell you that I have never wanted to watch or read anything in the least bit sad, scary or gruesome. I don't need tragedy or even realism in my fiction, thank you, there is plenty of that in the newspaper and on my doorstep. I studied English Literature at uni and I will tell you now that I love Jane Austen and loathe Thomas Hardy.

These days my reading is a bit lighter. I am currently hooked on a series of detective novels, what my mum likes to call 'cosy crime.' No gruesome details or serial killers, just a formulaic story where the heroine/detective hunts down the bad guys. She may get robbed or coshed on the head along the way, and her trusty assistant will have some struggles too, but I know she's going to survive and get the baddies because there's a sequel. And I've read a few now and that's how they go.

There is something very comforting about these stories. They create order out of chaos and answer a need in me- and I am sure not just me. Look how fairy tales and Disney sell us happy endings. 'And they all lived happily ever after.' Usually after a wedding day. But weddings aren't endings, they are beginnings. So where are all the real happy endings? Actually, can anyone show me just one?

You have probably noticed that Easter is on its way. (I have some mini creme eggs next to me, please don't tell Harry!) Last week I was helping in Sunday School, and I was able to watch the faces of Harry and his little friend as they heard the first part of the Easter story. The part that is hard to listen to, where Jesus is mocked, whipped, spat upon and ultimately crucified. I should say, the teacher told it very well and appropriately but I wanted to watch Harry as he is such a 'happy ending' kind of guy. Even some of cbeebies is too scary for him. And his friend got upset at storytime at our house when the big bad wolf landed in the three pigs' dinner. I found myself reassuring him that the wolf wasn't hurt, he just learned his lesson so that he won't eat any more little pigs. So you can understand that I wanted to see how they would take this story. And they clearly were not happy these things were done to Jesus.  But their teacher was able to say to them, 'don't worry, this story has a happy ending.'

Here's the thing. We haven't got to the end yet. And if you trust in Jesus, you believe in the best, truest happy ending ever. And if you don't know him yet, you can have this happy ending just by reaching out and taking the gift of forgiveness from Jesus. It does mean dropping everything that you are holding on to, but it is worth it.

As people who trust in Jesus, our endings are as certain as those of the novels I read. As certain as Poirot gathering all the suspects together at the end of a case. As certain as Jane Austen's heroines getting the man of their dreams. And much, much better. Here is what the Bible has to say about our future.

 Therefore they are before the throne of God,
    and serve him day and night in his temple;
    and he who sits on the throne will shelter them with his presence. 

 They shall hunger no more, neither thirst anymore;
    the sun shall not strike them,
    nor any scorching heat.

For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd,
    and he will guide them to springs of living water,
and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”

 And I am back to talking about heaven again. I recently read this in a Bible study and was enchanted with it:

Its from Revelation 7. I particularly love this translation (ESV) and this is why: I have talked about heaven before, about how there will be no more suffering, no illness, no pain. Those things are important and are present in this passage too, but the really amazing thing about heaven will be to be in the presence of Jesus. To be able to stand before God. And we see this here. To be sheltered by God's presence. How wonderful.

Now I think I need to go and finish my book. And maybe the chocolate.

Pirates and meerkats

                 
                     I had always felt life first as a story; and if there is a story there is a story-teller.
                                 G.K. Chesterton


Yesterday I went to a creative workshop run by a talented friend of mine, and spent the evening printing fabric. I cannot paint or draw even if my life depended on it and usually avoid anything like this, but these evenings are great because I get to borrow my friend's creative talents for an evening and actually make something, and it feels good.

I seem to be around a lot of people who are great at creating and making stuff. Maybe it's an east London thing. And it got me thinking about how our talents reflect God's image. When we create we are reflecting something of the original Creator. In an earlier post I shared some of the funny things my kids had said about God. My favourite remains Harry saying that God made people because 'he likes to play that.' And why not? If we are all made in God's image then surely a child with playdough shows us something about God's nature too. On a visit to the zoo at the weekend it occurred to me what fun it must have been to make a meerkat.

Despite my best efforts my children are not crafty. They quite like a bit of painting and sticking boxes together here and there, but what they are both driven to do is to imagine, to pretend.  This morning they were dressed as pirates and simultaneously acting out the three little pigs. And this too reflects their Maker, after all we know Jesus was a master story-teller. The quotation that I opened this post with is from a brilliant writer.  While I am enjoying learning to sew, print etc. I know I will never be great at it. But writing this blog has made me remember how much I used to enjoy writing, and how it really is a creative and pleasing process for me. Yes I admit it, I used to like writing essays at school!

Apparently in Heaven it won't all be sitting around on clouds, there will be work to do. I suspect, I hope, that those talents we have- whether we get to use them now or not- will suddenly be put to full use. I suspect that to work will feel good.

When things fall apart

'There is nothing a man can do when things fall apart.'
Psalm 11

So goes the advice given to David in Psalm 11. Other translations say the foundations are crumbling, law and order are no more. The wicked are firing their arrows everywhere. Flee to the mountains, cry David's friends.

I may not be living in a lawless society or fearing violence, but I expect we have all had times where it felt like things were falling apart. I have talked before of when my children were diagnosed with ASD and then epilepsy, and how one trouble came hot on the heels of another. As I sat in the hospital ward after receiving Alice's diagnosis of epilepsy it felt like the foundations of our lives were crumbling. My heart said 'God where are you and what's going on? How does my faith stand up to this?'

I had with me a book called 'The way of the righteous in the muck of life' by Dale Ralph Davis, and Psalm 11 is one of the psalms he looks at. Now at first reading Psalm 11 seems like a funny place to get comfort. In fact, on re-reading it this morning, I thought 'do I really want to write about this?' It is one of those Old Testament passages that makes me uncomfortable; it is certainly not a comfortable or safe picture of God.
 But it is worth a closer look.

As the foundations crumble around David and his friends suggest running away, he replies simply 'in the Lord I have taken refuge.' He does not panic or despair because God is 'on his heavenly throne.' In other words, God hasn't changed or gone anywhere. God knows exactly what is going on. And he will bring justice. In the psalm this is both comforting and terrifying. The description of what is coming to the 'wicked' uses some strong imagery. I often think that I am so uncomfortable with these descriptions because I do live in a relatively stable and safe place. Perhaps if I was in a North Korean labour camp or a country where my family could be dragged out of the house and killed just for being a Christian I would respond differently. If I read the news it doesn't take me long to start longing for justice.

You know what else? Our God is this God who will bring justice and judgement. He is also the shepherd who hunts for the one lost sheep and carries it home in Matthew's Gospel. He is the Father who stands at the door waiting for his child to return home in Luke 14. And he is the God who describes himself to Moses as slow to anger and rich in abounding love.

This psalm did bring comfort and peace, even relief, to me as I sat by Alice's bed in the hospital. Because it showed me that I could continue to trust in God even when all around is chaos. He is still the same God, he is still loving and just and 'slow to anger and rich in love.' He is still in charge. And one day we will see his face. Take your sunglasses.

Psalm 11

For the director of music. Of David.

¹ In the Lord I take refuge.
    How then can you say to me:
    ‘Flee like a bird to your mountain.
² For look, the wicked bend their bows;
    they set their arrows against the strings
to shoot from the shadows
    at the upright in heart.
³ When the foundations are being destroyed,
    what can the righteous do?’

⁴ The Lord is in his holy temple;
    the Lord is on his heavenly throne.
He observes everyone on earth;
    his eyes examine them.
⁵ The Lord examines the righteous,
    but the wicked, those who love violence,
    he hates with a passion. 

⁶ On the wicked he will rain
    fiery coals and burning sulphur;
    a scorching wind will be their lot.

  ⁷ For the Lord is righteous,
    he loves justice;
    the upright will see his face.

Psalm 145:8
 The Lord is gracious and compassionate,
    slow to anger and rich in love.

A story for Harry

Have you ever picked up a Bible and found the words on the page echoing the words in your mind?

I have the Youversion Bible app on my phone and on facebook. They have a verse of the day. Millions of people use this app. Yet on more than one occasion that verse of the day has spoken directly into my heart, as if it had been chosen just for me. How do they do that? How does God do that?

I could tell you about those, but today is a story for Harry.

When Harry's nursery first mentioned 'autistic spectrum disorder' we weren't surprised. But we were surprised to hear just how withdrawn he had been at nursery and alarm bells began to ring. Panicked, I rushed to the school he was due to start at the next academic year. They were brilliant. Two wonderful members of staff gave me an hour of their time to listen and talk and plan how to support him. It turned out that the teacher he was going to had taught a little boy that year who was very like our Harry. So she had the training, the resources, the expertise, and they assured me they were ready to go. And they were- Harry has blossomed from the day he walked into that school.

As I walked away with a weight lifted off my shoulders, I thought 'wow, God really went ahead of us and prepared that school place for Harry. I didn't see this coming but God did.'

Fast forward a few months to D-day- diagnosis day. As I sat waiting for the final assessment and Harry's diagnosis, I thought about that day and how God had gone ahead of us. I picked up a little book of Bible promises given to me by a friend, opened randomly and this is what I read.

           The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake
           you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
          (Deuteronomy 31:8).

One of my favourite blogs is at rachelwojo.com. She has a post on the names of God and one is JEHOVAH-SHAMMAH- God is already there.

So Harry- this is your promise from God. He goes before you and is with you. God's clever like that.