January Grey

It turns out I am a New Year- scrooge. I genuinely have been surprised at how many people have wished me happy new year. In my half-empty way I don't see the point of making resolutions that I didn't manage to keep last year or the year before, and can't really believe that a change of date makes anything different.

Then there's January. It's cold and dark and weeks till spring and no lights and decorations to dispel the gloom. (Although there are here, we deliberately left one string of lights up.)

So I have made some resolutions that I have a chance of keeping- read more books. Watch more films. Get more sleep. It's dark and cold, might as well embrace it. The children have rediscovered a love of baking so we are spending lots of time huddled round a mixing bowl with the oven on.

I am doing quite well on the reading front, having started my third book of the month (the top one in the picture.) It's by one of my favourite bloggers, Sara Hagerty. I have talked about her blog before, and her book shares the same name, 'Every bitter thing is sweet.'

Let me share some words which have struck me this morning, a beautiful description of those that know God:

   They acted as if they believed God didn't just tolerate them; He enjoyed them. And yet their messes were more visible than mine. I couldn't understand this combination, but it intrigued me. They lived and walked as if they knew God was good to them, though their circumstances said otherwise. These people liked to pray, and they referenced their day-to-day experience with God as if it were an adventure.

(Sara Hagerty, Every bitter thing is sweet.)

I have friends like this. They really bless me. We get together and 'gossip God'. They say things like 'guess what God is doing'. Or else we just catch up on the details of each others' lives, good and bad. But always with a reference to our God who is good to us. Always with an eye to where he can be found, or at least a heart longing for him. And I come away feeling encouraged by their very real stories of God's unfailing, pursuing, faithful love, and praising him in my heart.

One year on

It's been a year since I wrote my first post, about my family's struggles. Struggles which have improved but which are far from over. And my latest post was about a man healed.

Here's the thing about healing. We want it really badly. We long for it. We beg God for it. Those of us who believe in Jesus believe in a God who can heal. I truly believe he can and does heal today. But why so rarely?

I'm learning to see and to accept that its not always the best thing for us. God will always do the thing that brings us closer to him, and brings most honour to his name.

Illness and suffering bring us face to face with all that is wrong with the world. What Christians call ' the fall.'  And when faced with suffering, our own or that of those we love, we want out. Jesus knows that only too well. Just look at Gethsemane.

But what mankind has always, always done is to seek God for his gifts and then when we have them, turn our backs and go our own way. There is a danger inherent in seeking the gifts not the Giver.

And there is a special closeness and joy to be found in knowing Christ in his sufferings. To be brought alongside his loving heart which has suffered so much for us.

Yes we still long for healing and yes suffering still hurts. And we will get the healing, the wholeness, the peace. Some now and in its entirety in heaven.

I struggled with my children's diagnoses, especially with Alice's epilepsy. Its one thing to trust him with my own suffering, but with my tiny daughter's? Do I even have that right? To trust him even if he doesn't want to heal her. Her dedication day was a turning point for me. I really felt like I was relinquishing control, handing her back to God even if my heart broke. And I will never forget the friends who stood alongside us in prayer and heartbreak that day.

And a few weeks later her health started to change. The seizures lessened. The third medicine, which had a tiny chance of working, was working. Her smile and zest for life and cheeky spirit came back.

She is well. Not one hundred percent but good enough. I asked God one day why he didn't heal her properly ( not really expecting an answer) and he said 'to keep you trusting in me. My grace is sufficient.'

At the height of my 'yelling at the ceiling' prayers I told God 'if they are old enough to have the suffering they are old enough to have your Holy Spirit!' And I see him answering that, especially in Harry.

Harry loves to pray. He's excited by the Bible. His eyes light up when he hears about heaven. He longs to see God's face (as long as its not too bright. But nothing in heaven is too anything.) He's six years old and autistic. Would he have this vibrant faith if it wasn't for his autism? I think not. Struggling as he does with anxiety has pushed him towards a God who promises to take care of our worries, who is our refuge and safe place.

And Alice? I don't see that faith yet. But I know one thing. And if you've read my earliest posts you know it too. From the day she was born God has been writing her story. A beautiful and hard story but one that draws God close and then spills him out.

A story of transformation

In the book of Acts chapter 3 there's a man. He's lame from birth. He sits outside the temple in Jerusalem every day begging.

Jesus has been around Jerusalem a fair bit the last few years. He's been healing people. He must have walked past this man. Passed him by. Did the man see him? Did Jesus see the man? Most people don't, or pretend not to anyway. But Jesus wasn't like that.

But Jesus isn't seen around Jerusalem anymore. He was crucified. There are rumours that he came back to life, that he has been seen by his followers. I wonder how much this man saw and heard. Did he recognise Jesus' friends as they entered the temple? Or did his empty belly and weary heart weigh him down too much? Anyway the man isn't even looking properly at them. Best not to expect too much.

But these men stop. They look at him. They tell him to look at them. They must have something to give, right?
'Silver and gold I do not have, but what I do have I give to you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, I tell you,  walk!'

The man called Peter reaches out his hand. The lame man takes it. And he feels his legs, that have never walked, grow strong. Strong enough to stand. Strong enough to walk. Strong enough to jump! To dance! To leap around! What joy must have flooded this man's heart. And he turns that joy back into praise, for the God who has healed him, as he enters into the temple on his newly strong legs.

The crowd see. They see the man they have pretended not to see many times. They see the transformation and are astonished. Only Jesus has healed like this and he died.

Peter speaks bold and challenging words. Words that cut to the heart. Yes Jesus died, because you and I put him on that cross. But God raised him to life. Its time to respond to him.

And the miracle shouts that Jesus is alive. Jesus is still working.

I got home yesterday from leading a study on this passage and opened my emails. There was a story from
'Gospel for Asia.' A story of a man lame from birth. Not healed but being transformed anyway.

Jesus is still working.

How the Bible is like a soap opera (or Doctor Who)

My dad is a history buff. I find it fascinating but have a terrible memory for times, dates and places. They stay in my head for about 3 minutes.

I wanted to get some historical facts and figures about the Bible for this post but I had to search around for some help. The most useful thing I found was this: (I am getting to the soap opera bit, bear with me!)

             Approximately forty authors wrote in three different languages over a period of one thousand five hundred years. Some of the authors were young, some were old, some were soldiers, others were fishermen, farmers, civil servants or kings. They wrote during different periods of history, in different geographical locations, to different groups of people.
(Christianity Explored by Rico Tice and Barry Cooper)

Forty authors, 3 languages, 1500 years. And yet it is one story.

It's a while since I watched a soap opera but pre-kids I watched loads. Each day would bring a different character, a different drama, but there would often be one on-going story line which kept me watching. I had to know what would happen next.

Or take Doctor Who. The recent series have had a range of adventures, new every week, but with an undercurrent storyline. Cracks in walks, Missy, Bad Wolf. It keeps you coming back for more.

The Bible works a bit like that. There are stories within The Story: Cain and Abel, Noah, David and Goliath etc. But there's a theme, a promise running through. That the world went wrong, but God will fix it. There will be a way back to the garden (Adam and Eve's story), a ladder to Heaven (Jacob's story), a forever King (David's story), a precious Son sacrificed (Abraham's story.)

I suspect that the people who watch EastEnders on Christmas day are the same people that watch it all year. And while you can watch and enjoy a Doctor Who Christmas Special, I imagine that those who anticipate it more and appreciate it more are those who are loyal fans.

Likewise, if the only Bible story you ever hear is the Christmas story of the baby in the manger, it is going to lack impact and meaning. But if you have read from the beginning, you have a sense of the need of God's people for a rescuer, the promises given by God to restore the broken relationship with his children, the waiting, the longing, the prophecies... And finally, He is here!

The nativity story is not the beginning of the story. Nor is it the end.

Waiting

I've been getting advent wrong all along.

In one of the children's Bible story books it is very clear that there are two kings in the Christmas story. One earthly and one heavenly.

The earthly King, Caesar, is full of his own importance and power. He needs to know just how powerful he is so he gets the whole kingdom on the move so he can count them.

Little did he know that long before God had decreed that His King would be born in Bethlehem. Caesar's power was a mirage.

And in the middle of the chaos the Forever King is born. He doesn't flaunt his power. It was possible, is possible to miss that it ever happened.

We are used to crowds at Christmas time so it doesn't take a huge leap of imagination to envisage Bethlehem at that time.

But His coming was not missed by everyone. I can't help wondering about those who heard the news and recognised the Saviour in that tiny baby. I wonder if what they had in common was quiet and waiting hearts.

We don't know much about the shepherds. They were watching their flocks. We do know that God has a soft spot for shepherds, choosing to describe himself as one in many places. And we know from David's life that being a shepherd left plenty of time for stillness and contemplation, and, if they chose, getting to know Gods heart.

The illustration in the Jesus storybook bible shows them lying on their backs round the fire, staring at the stars when those angels appeared.

The wise men were also staring at the stars. They must, I think, have been searching for something up there. I wonder if they knew what they were seeking, who they were seeking? They found the Maker of the stars come down to earth.

Do you know what or who your heart is longing for? I suspect I know his name.

Then there are Simeon and Anna. I love finding the hidden stories in the Bible of quiet unassuming lives lived in faith, and suddenly thrown into the spotlight. Simeon and Anna didn't lead armies or call fire down from heaven. They spent their days quietly seeking God. Simeon was waiting. He knew God would keep his promise, to send a rescuer. He knew he would see the Saviour before he died. And he had the eyes of faith to recognise him in the child. Anna had spent her days praying, fasting, seeking. And she too was rewarded with seeing her Saviour.

How have we made advent all about doing more- the baking, the fairs, the shopping, the wrapping, the extra church services.... When what we should be doing is slowing down so we don't miss the wonder of Gods gift- Himself.

Advent plans

I get excited about advent. Probably more so than about Christmas day itself. I love the lights, markets, mulled wine- and I love advent calendars and nativity scenes. I could happily fill our home with them (not that that would take long!) Instead of just filling my pinterest board with loads of lovely ideas I thought I would share a few of them here. 

A couple of years ago I discovered an advent activity for children called 'Truth in the Tinsel.' It's an e-book that takes you through the Christmas story, with a scripture to read and an ornament for little hands to make each day. What really impacted me about this was the philosophy behind the writing of this book, based on this bible verse:

These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.

(Deuteronomy 6:6-8)

The author rightly points out how big, bright and exciting Christmas is, and she wants to harness that to excite her children about Jesus. 

We tried 'Truth in the Tinsel' last year. It's very craft based and my children are not- they enjoyed the first few days of crafts, and we displayed them on some Christmassy branches that we have. They loved hanging their decorations on the tree; I loved having a visual display of the Bible story of Christmas (I'm sure to anyone else it looked like some badly painted toilet rolls but we liked it!) Once they went off the craft side of things, I did a hide and seek game with a Bible verse and ornament hidden round the house every morning. 

We did what we set out to do, that is, we talked about Jesus and read from the Bible every day during advent, and they had fun doing it. 

For younger children one of my favourite websites for advent activities is sunhatsandwellieboots I got the 'hide and seek wisemen' idea from here, and she has plenty more. 

My favourite story Bible EVER is the Jesus Storybook Bible. Beautiful words and beautiful illustrations. Everyone should read it, no matter their age. Having said that, it is too wordy for both my children just yet.   Faithgateway have a free printable advent calendar based on this book (just sign up for their newsletters.) As much as I want my children to fall in love with this book, I am probably going to leave this one till next year. 

The most famous Bible-based advent plan seems to be the Jesse Tree. There are loads of resources and descriptions out there but the one I keep hearing about is by Ann Voskamp. I have my eye on this book (which amazon says isn't even out yet- what?! It's November!) But I have decided instead to get this- not for the children, just for me. I can hardly wait for December to start it. And actually, the most effective way I find of talking to my children about Jesus is when I am immersed in discovering him for myself and it becomes part of my everyday conversation.

Bring on the glitter.

Standing on holy ground

When Job’s three friends... heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads.  Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.

When things got tough with Alice's illness, one of the greatest comforts to me were my friends, who came and sat with me. They cried with me, prayed with me, brought food. Mostly they were just there. 

Now it is my turn to do the same for my friends who are going through tough times. They taught me well, my friends, on how to be there for someone who is in the depths. And honestly, seeing their faith in action in the midst of trouble is nothing short of amazing. They choose to believe in His goodness and to trust Him even when nothing makes sense.

Brokenness is a holy place. 

I grew up attending a church with a crucifix on the wall. The image of Jesus' broken body- the ultimate image of brokenness. After a few years they replaced it with an image of the resurrected Jesus with arms outstretched in welcome. 

The truth is, we need both. Yes, Jesus is victorious, the triumphant King, but first he was broken. 

We have a God who chose to share in our brokenness. And so in our lowest moments we can know Him like never before. And we can trust that he will bring us through, to share in his victory. 

So if your friend is sitting in the dust like Job, show up. Take cake or chocolate or soup. If you don't know what to say, don't say anything. Listen, pray, sit. 

You may well meet Jesus there.