I'm always relieved when the first day of the summer holidays passes without a trip to A&E, because for 2 years it didn't. Then there was the summer we were there seemingly more than we weren't. Just don't mention the Olympics to me, OK?
The weird thing about chronic illnesses is that they become a part of your everyday. We are in a place where Alice is well, because of the medicine she takes morning and night. We get on with a gloriously normal life, and she drives me up the wall and makes me laugh with her mischief but I wouldn't have it any other way. But every now and again there is a stark reminder that actually that illness is still there in the background. Summer and Harry's birthday always remind me of that first seizure. And then of course there's hospital appointments where we are booked in for tests with the promise of more tests after that.
After the last such appointment I came home with head and heart reeling a little. I got stuck into the book of 2 Corinthians (the dvd player was broken- true story) and as usual a little Bible perspective was what I needed. I love how God sees our stories differently. Alice, this is for you:
God... comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort- we get a full measure of that, too.
A 'full measure' of the 'good times of his healing comfort'. I promise you, Alice, this is true. It's when we trust him in the hard times that his presence becomes sweeter, more tangible, more precious. And it's true too that he brings us alongside others who are suffering. That is happening all the time, and you are usually there by my side. I have some stories to share with you when you are older.
We felt like we'd been sent to death row, that is was all over for us. As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get us out of it, we were forced to trust God totally- not a bad idea since he's the God who raised the dead!
Alice, this is how I felt when you were ill. Like it was all over. I will never tell you that epilepsy is a good thing, it isn't. But it taught me to entirely rely on the God who raises the dead- to trust my God with you.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. ... Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace.
Alice, he knows about your health problems. He showed up the day you were born! You are fearfully and wonderfully made. And he's filled you with his treasure- his grace, his story, his saving love.
We've been given a glimpse of the real thing, our true home, our resurrection bodies! The Spirit of God whets our appetite by giving us a taste of what's ahead. He puts a little of heaven in our hearts so that we'll never settle for less.
This is where I worry I'm going to sound a little crazy. I've been a Christian since I was sixteen. I somehow never fell in love with heaven. I kept trying to make it happen here and now. But one of those less-than-perfect summers I was sitting in my parents' garden thinking about Alice's illness and reading a book on heaven- and suddenly it was as if a little corner of a curtain was drawn and I suddenly could sense how close, how real Heaven is. I felt as though I'd see it if I just looked over my shoulder. Crazy? Perhaps. But I read the above words and it explains what has happened to me- there's a little bit of heaven lodged in my heart, and I'm different.
So, my Alice, whatever life brings (and it's brought plenty in nearly 5 years) trust him- he loves you, he's got you safe. I pray for a little bit of heaven to be lodged in your heart till we get there for real.
(All quotations are from The Message translation of 2 Corinthians)
