One year on

It's been a year since I wrote my first post, about my family's struggles. Struggles which have improved but which are far from over. And my latest post was about a man healed.

Here's the thing about healing. We want it really badly. We long for it. We beg God for it. Those of us who believe in Jesus believe in a God who can heal. I truly believe he can and does heal today. But why so rarely?

I'm learning to see and to accept that its not always the best thing for us. God will always do the thing that brings us closer to him, and brings most honour to his name.

Illness and suffering bring us face to face with all that is wrong with the world. What Christians call ' the fall.'  And when faced with suffering, our own or that of those we love, we want out. Jesus knows that only too well. Just look at Gethsemane.

But what mankind has always, always done is to seek God for his gifts and then when we have them, turn our backs and go our own way. There is a danger inherent in seeking the gifts not the Giver.

And there is a special closeness and joy to be found in knowing Christ in his sufferings. To be brought alongside his loving heart which has suffered so much for us.

Yes we still long for healing and yes suffering still hurts. And we will get the healing, the wholeness, the peace. Some now and in its entirety in heaven.

I struggled with my children's diagnoses, especially with Alice's epilepsy. Its one thing to trust him with my own suffering, but with my tiny daughter's? Do I even have that right? To trust him even if he doesn't want to heal her. Her dedication day was a turning point for me. I really felt like I was relinquishing control, handing her back to God even if my heart broke. And I will never forget the friends who stood alongside us in prayer and heartbreak that day.

And a few weeks later her health started to change. The seizures lessened. The third medicine, which had a tiny chance of working, was working. Her smile and zest for life and cheeky spirit came back.

She is well. Not one hundred percent but good enough. I asked God one day why he didn't heal her properly ( not really expecting an answer) and he said 'to keep you trusting in me. My grace is sufficient.'

At the height of my 'yelling at the ceiling' prayers I told God 'if they are old enough to have the suffering they are old enough to have your Holy Spirit!' And I see him answering that, especially in Harry.

Harry loves to pray. He's excited by the Bible. His eyes light up when he hears about heaven. He longs to see God's face (as long as its not too bright. But nothing in heaven is too anything.) He's six years old and autistic. Would he have this vibrant faith if it wasn't for his autism? I think not. Struggling as he does with anxiety has pushed him towards a God who promises to take care of our worries, who is our refuge and safe place.

And Alice? I don't see that faith yet. But I know one thing. And if you've read my earliest posts you know it too. From the day she was born God has been writing her story. A beautiful and hard story but one that draws God close and then spills him out.

A story of transformation

In the book of Acts chapter 3 there's a man. He's lame from birth. He sits outside the temple in Jerusalem every day begging.

Jesus has been around Jerusalem a fair bit the last few years. He's been healing people. He must have walked past this man. Passed him by. Did the man see him? Did Jesus see the man? Most people don't, or pretend not to anyway. But Jesus wasn't like that.

But Jesus isn't seen around Jerusalem anymore. He was crucified. There are rumours that he came back to life, that he has been seen by his followers. I wonder how much this man saw and heard. Did he recognise Jesus' friends as they entered the temple? Or did his empty belly and weary heart weigh him down too much? Anyway the man isn't even looking properly at them. Best not to expect too much.

But these men stop. They look at him. They tell him to look at them. They must have something to give, right?
'Silver and gold I do not have, but what I do have I give to you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, I tell you,  walk!'

The man called Peter reaches out his hand. The lame man takes it. And he feels his legs, that have never walked, grow strong. Strong enough to stand. Strong enough to walk. Strong enough to jump! To dance! To leap around! What joy must have flooded this man's heart. And he turns that joy back into praise, for the God who has healed him, as he enters into the temple on his newly strong legs.

The crowd see. They see the man they have pretended not to see many times. They see the transformation and are astonished. Only Jesus has healed like this and he died.

Peter speaks bold and challenging words. Words that cut to the heart. Yes Jesus died, because you and I put him on that cross. But God raised him to life. Its time to respond to him.

And the miracle shouts that Jesus is alive. Jesus is still working.

I got home yesterday from leading a study on this passage and opened my emails. There was a story from
'Gospel for Asia.' A story of a man lame from birth. Not healed but being transformed anyway.

Jesus is still working.

How the Bible is like a soap opera (or Doctor Who)

My dad is a history buff. I find it fascinating but have a terrible memory for times, dates and places. They stay in my head for about 3 minutes.

I wanted to get some historical facts and figures about the Bible for this post but I had to search around for some help. The most useful thing I found was this: (I am getting to the soap opera bit, bear with me!)

             Approximately forty authors wrote in three different languages over a period of one thousand five hundred years. Some of the authors were young, some were old, some were soldiers, others were fishermen, farmers, civil servants or kings. They wrote during different periods of history, in different geographical locations, to different groups of people.
(Christianity Explored by Rico Tice and Barry Cooper)

Forty authors, 3 languages, 1500 years. And yet it is one story.

It's a while since I watched a soap opera but pre-kids I watched loads. Each day would bring a different character, a different drama, but there would often be one on-going story line which kept me watching. I had to know what would happen next.

Or take Doctor Who. The recent series have had a range of adventures, new every week, but with an undercurrent storyline. Cracks in walks, Missy, Bad Wolf. It keeps you coming back for more.

The Bible works a bit like that. There are stories within The Story: Cain and Abel, Noah, David and Goliath etc. But there's a theme, a promise running through. That the world went wrong, but God will fix it. There will be a way back to the garden (Adam and Eve's story), a ladder to Heaven (Jacob's story), a forever King (David's story), a precious Son sacrificed (Abraham's story.)

I suspect that the people who watch EastEnders on Christmas day are the same people that watch it all year. And while you can watch and enjoy a Doctor Who Christmas Special, I imagine that those who anticipate it more and appreciate it more are those who are loyal fans.

Likewise, if the only Bible story you ever hear is the Christmas story of the baby in the manger, it is going to lack impact and meaning. But if you have read from the beginning, you have a sense of the need of God's people for a rescuer, the promises given by God to restore the broken relationship with his children, the waiting, the longing, the prophecies... And finally, He is here!

The nativity story is not the beginning of the story. Nor is it the end.

Waiting

I've been getting advent wrong all along.

In one of the children's Bible story books it is very clear that there are two kings in the Christmas story. One earthly and one heavenly.

The earthly King, Caesar, is full of his own importance and power. He needs to know just how powerful he is so he gets the whole kingdom on the move so he can count them.

Little did he know that long before God had decreed that His King would be born in Bethlehem. Caesar's power was a mirage.

And in the middle of the chaos the Forever King is born. He doesn't flaunt his power. It was possible, is possible to miss that it ever happened.

We are used to crowds at Christmas time so it doesn't take a huge leap of imagination to envisage Bethlehem at that time.

But His coming was not missed by everyone. I can't help wondering about those who heard the news and recognised the Saviour in that tiny baby. I wonder if what they had in common was quiet and waiting hearts.

We don't know much about the shepherds. They were watching their flocks. We do know that God has a soft spot for shepherds, choosing to describe himself as one in many places. And we know from David's life that being a shepherd left plenty of time for stillness and contemplation, and, if they chose, getting to know Gods heart.

The illustration in the Jesus storybook bible shows them lying on their backs round the fire, staring at the stars when those angels appeared.

The wise men were also staring at the stars. They must, I think, have been searching for something up there. I wonder if they knew what they were seeking, who they were seeking? They found the Maker of the stars come down to earth.

Do you know what or who your heart is longing for? I suspect I know his name.

Then there are Simeon and Anna. I love finding the hidden stories in the Bible of quiet unassuming lives lived in faith, and suddenly thrown into the spotlight. Simeon and Anna didn't lead armies or call fire down from heaven. They spent their days quietly seeking God. Simeon was waiting. He knew God would keep his promise, to send a rescuer. He knew he would see the Saviour before he died. And he had the eyes of faith to recognise him in the child. Anna had spent her days praying, fasting, seeking. And she too was rewarded with seeing her Saviour.

How have we made advent all about doing more- the baking, the fairs, the shopping, the wrapping, the extra church services.... When what we should be doing is slowing down so we don't miss the wonder of Gods gift- Himself.

Advent plans

I get excited about advent. Probably more so than about Christmas day itself. I love the lights, markets, mulled wine- and I love advent calendars and nativity scenes. I could happily fill our home with them (not that that would take long!) Instead of just filling my pinterest board with loads of lovely ideas I thought I would share a few of them here. 

A couple of years ago I discovered an advent activity for children called 'Truth in the Tinsel.' It's an e-book that takes you through the Christmas story, with a scripture to read and an ornament for little hands to make each day. What really impacted me about this was the philosophy behind the writing of this book, based on this bible verse:

These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.

(Deuteronomy 6:6-8)

The author rightly points out how big, bright and exciting Christmas is, and she wants to harness that to excite her children about Jesus. 

We tried 'Truth in the Tinsel' last year. It's very craft based and my children are not- they enjoyed the first few days of crafts, and we displayed them on some Christmassy branches that we have. They loved hanging their decorations on the tree; I loved having a visual display of the Bible story of Christmas (I'm sure to anyone else it looked like some badly painted toilet rolls but we liked it!) Once they went off the craft side of things, I did a hide and seek game with a Bible verse and ornament hidden round the house every morning. 

We did what we set out to do, that is, we talked about Jesus and read from the Bible every day during advent, and they had fun doing it. 

For younger children one of my favourite websites for advent activities is sunhatsandwellieboots I got the 'hide and seek wisemen' idea from here, and she has plenty more. 

My favourite story Bible EVER is the Jesus Storybook Bible. Beautiful words and beautiful illustrations. Everyone should read it, no matter their age. Having said that, it is too wordy for both my children just yet.   Faithgateway have a free printable advent calendar based on this book (just sign up for their newsletters.) As much as I want my children to fall in love with this book, I am probably going to leave this one till next year. 

The most famous Bible-based advent plan seems to be the Jesse Tree. There are loads of resources and descriptions out there but the one I keep hearing about is by Ann Voskamp. I have my eye on this book (which amazon says isn't even out yet- what?! It's November!) But I have decided instead to get this- not for the children, just for me. I can hardly wait for December to start it. And actually, the most effective way I find of talking to my children about Jesus is when I am immersed in discovering him for myself and it becomes part of my everyday conversation.

Bring on the glitter.

Standing on holy ground

When Job’s three friends... heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads.  Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.

When things got tough with Alice's illness, one of the greatest comforts to me were my friends, who came and sat with me. They cried with me, prayed with me, brought food. Mostly they were just there. 

Now it is my turn to do the same for my friends who are going through tough times. They taught me well, my friends, on how to be there for someone who is in the depths. And honestly, seeing their faith in action in the midst of trouble is nothing short of amazing. They choose to believe in His goodness and to trust Him even when nothing makes sense.

Brokenness is a holy place. 

I grew up attending a church with a crucifix on the wall. The image of Jesus' broken body- the ultimate image of brokenness. After a few years they replaced it with an image of the resurrected Jesus with arms outstretched in welcome. 

The truth is, we need both. Yes, Jesus is victorious, the triumphant King, but first he was broken. 

We have a God who chose to share in our brokenness. And so in our lowest moments we can know Him like never before. And we can trust that he will bring us through, to share in his victory. 

So if your friend is sitting in the dust like Job, show up. Take cake or chocolate or soup. If you don't know what to say, don't say anything. Listen, pray, sit. 

You may well meet Jesus there.

An autumn walk

Now that both children are at school and nursery, Friday mornings have become my quiet time. A couple of weeks ago I took some time out from the to-do list and went for a walk in the lovely Victoria Park.

As I walked the treasures from God's word that I had been reading that week were in my mind, and I found myself in a bit of a conversation with him. It felt like going for a walk with Jesus.

It made me long for Heaven, and to imagine what it will be like when we can really walk with him.

Then, studying the Bible with my friends this week, this verse really struck me:

Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” (Genesis 3)


God used to walk in the garden with Adam and Eve. And even after they had disobeyed, He came looking for them.

We were made to walk and talk with Him.

We lost that privilege. But Jesus got it back for us.

Looking up

I recently discovered a writer whose every word has me hooked and whose story has me in tears. She does a wonderful thing on instagram called 'Adoration'. Every day she shares one aspect of God's character with a Bible verse, and encourages us to 'look up', to fix our eyes on him and praise him.

I love it. It's like hoarding a little piece of treasure in my heart every day.

Those treasures add a different light, a different perspective, to my everyday.

The emphasis is on praise but it is affecting the way I intercede for others too. As I get to know the Giver better I can more easily imagine the gifts he is just waiting to bestow.

And I am discovering anew that when we let His Word in, He draws close and whispers to us.

Most of you know that Alice recently had another day in hospital and another operation. Compared to previous hospital stays, this one should have been child's play. And she did brilliantly. But I didn't do so well. Normally I can steel myself to face whatever is coming, but this time I just couldn't. Dave had to handle to hard stuff like anaesthetics as the memories of previous hospital visits were taking their toll on me.


Then I looked at my verse for the day, and it went straight to my heart.

Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul,
like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child is my soul within me.

He knew. He knew my mother's heart which ached for my child having yet more procedures and medicines. And he was there with the very words which I needed to hear. I was able to be the child and rest on his lap.

http://everybitterthingissweet.com/adoration/adoration-explained/

Stories

I started this blog as a way to share the story of what God was doing in my heart. I carried it on because I wanted to put into words the glimpses of heavenly perspective that God was giving on my children's stories.

I keep coming across this view in other people's blogs. They are aware that God is doing something amazing, and the way they express it is to say 'He's writing my story'. They very often say something along the lines of  'I didn't know it would be so hard; I didn't know it would be so beautiful.'

The story of the Bible basically goes- God creates- man messes up- God fixes.
Our lives- our stories- show the wounds, the tell-tale signs of the 'man messing up' bit, whether directly through our own actions or just because we live in a broken world.
But once we allow the Author of our lives access, he can start to mend.
Once we look for Him, we will see his handwriting, his signature.

'The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit.'*

No one wants to be brokenhearted. But it is oh so wonderful to have Him close. 




*Psalm 34:18

Happy Halloween...?

'The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.' John 1

There's been loads written about whether Christians should or should not participate in celebrating Halloween. I know, I've read most of it in an effort to work out where I stand. I don't have all my theological ducks in a row but here's where I'm at.

I like dressing up and I like sweets. My kids like these things even more than I do.

Bats and spiders are ok I suppose.

I cannot bring myself to like costumes of devils, witches and other truly scary stuff. I suppose the bottom line is that I believe there are things in this world which are evil.

Even more do I believe in the one who has defeated all evil.

It's a 'now and not yet' thing.

So my kids can dress up if they want. And when they actually get round to noticing Halloween and realise there are SWEETS involved no doubt they will have something to say.

In the meantime we will paint and carve pumpkins and talk about the Light of the whole world.

Because I will take this, and every, opportunity to celebrate Jesus.

'I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.' John 8

The day between

Joseph of Arimathea. Remember him? He turns up in the gospels just after Jesus has died. We don’t know much about him, but his story of faith matters to God.

He was a member of the Council, that is, one of the Jewish leaders. The same Council that a few verses earlier had condemned Jesus to death. But not Joseph. He had not agreed with their decision. He was a follower of Jesus, but in secret, for fear of the Jewish leaders.  He was waiting for the kingdom of heaven. *

But after Jesus’ death he breaks his secrecy, and ‘boldly’ goes to Pilate to ask for Jesus’ body. Then he and Nicodemus prepare and bury Jesus’ body according to Jewish law. Nicodemus seems to have followed a similar path to Joseph; we first see him, a teacher of Israel, coming to Jesus in the dark of night, wanting to know more but wanting to remain secret. Now he too is willing to come out of his secrecy to bury Jesus’ body, presumably at risk to themselves. After all, Jesus’ disciples have run away for fear.

I wonder if Joseph was a Pharisee or a scribe? I wonder what he felt and how he acted when groups of his fellow leaders set out to trap Jesus with their questions? Did he stay behind wanting no part of it, or did he go, not to trap Jesus but to really hear what he had to say? Perhaps when those groups of hostile leaders met and argued with Jesus, perhaps there was one at the back listening, really listening. His heart leaping with hope as he realised that the kingdom of God- the Godly King was here. I wonder if his eyes caught Jesus’ for a moment, and Jesus found faith there among this group of leaders for whom he had such hard words.

How did he feel as his fellow teachers interrogated Jesus and found him guilty and set about convincing Pilate to sentence him to death? Did he want to speak up but didn’t have the courage? Or perhaps hearing the words Jesus spoke before the council was the last step of faith for him, when he realised exactly who was standing before him.

Something happened to give him courage, to move him to act so that Jesus’ body would be buried properly. And for that his story goes into the history books.

I love that God’s redemption story is made up of the stories of individuals and their moments of faith and of doubt, their great moments and their failures, and their relationship with their loving Father God. Joseph, a Jewish leader and secret believer (of which there are many around the world.) Rahab, a prostitute, and David, a King. Hannah, longing for a baby, and Mary, a teeenage mum. Ruth, a stranger who loved her mother-in-law, Gideon, hiding, scared, in a barn, and Daniel, an exile who rose to great heights. All woven into God’s big story.

And he still does this, still uses individual stories of faith to encourage and to build his kingdom. Corrie Ten Boom, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, C.S. Lewis. Who are your modern day Christian heroes?

Then there are the less famous. The ones who write the blogs that I read, bravely sharing their stories and showing that God turns up in every circumstance of life. And the friends who share their stories over a latte in Costa.

It seems amazing to me that God can take those moments when we choose to say yes to him and weave them into his ongoing tapestry of redemption. He can take our small stories and blow them sky high.
And you. Are you facing a crisis of faith right now? What is your story? Who could it help?

‘Now there are also many other things that Jesus did. Were every one of them to be written, I suppose that the world itself could not contain the books that would be written.’ John 21:25

*(John 19:38-39, Luke 23:50-53, Mark 15:42-43, Matt 27:57)

Running on empty

It's been one of those days. Well one of those weeks. And I feel incredibly weary. My friends and family have all been encouraging me and urging me on, telling me I'm a good mum. I really appreciate it. But then none of you saw me yelling at my kids this morning, not having a clue how to persuade them to get out of the door to school. They yelled, I yelled back. It was not pretty.

My children's needs outstrip what I have to give them. It's probably the same if your kids don't have special needs, I don't know. And I run out of patience and energy.

I follow a lovely blogger who posts verses from the bible every day to meditate on. This week she was talking about how God sees our hidden moments that no one else sees. I think she meant it to be encouraging, that he sees those moments of everyday serving. The nappies or the shoes tied or whatever your everyday looks like. Trouble is, he sees the less pretty moments too. He saw our horrible morning.

And yet he still loves me. 

On days like today I am oh so glad that he takes my wrongdoing, my anger and hard words and casts them away, as far as the east is from the west. *

And what do I do about my weariness? How do I find the resources to do another day?

'My strength is made perfect in weakness.'*

I'm not particularly strong or resilient. I just know a strong God. The thought that I have to find some kind of inner strength to manage on, to rely on myself only, is pretty scary. But luckily I know a God who never wearies, never leaves, who promises strength and peace and joy. In finding my own limits I am forced to turn to him and say, 'enough! Now let's do this your way.'

I have been reading Joni Eareckson Tada while sitting in various corners of Alice's nursery. How has it taken me so many years of being a Christian to read her books? They are wonderful. Today I read the following words, which actually belong to George Matheson. I could gush about them but they are so beautiful that I am going to let them speak for themselves.

               O Love that will not let me go, 
               I rest my weary soul in Thee;
               I give Thee back the life I owe
               That in Thine ocean depths its flow
               May richer, fuller be. 

              O Light that foll'west all my way,
              I yield my flick'ring torch to Thee;
              My heart restores its borrowed ray,
              That in Thy sunshine's blaze its day
               May brighter, fairer be.  *



(Psalm 103:12; 2 Corinthians 12:19; George Matheson, (public domain, printed in 'Heaven: Your real home by Joni Eareckson Tada )

Light in the darkness

If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night," even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.' Psalm 139

I’ve just come back from holiday, where I was looking at views like this, buying my children ice creams, and reading about the heartbreaking suffering of Christians in Iraq. The kind of suffering that chills me to the heart, makes me hold my children tighter and drives me to my knees to pray. How can the world be so beautiful and so terrible all at once?

I am glad I have just read Revelation. Because reading the news and reading Revelation are very similar right now. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that ‘this is the end of the world.’ Apparently they thought that in the time of Oliver Cromwell. Perhaps it’s just that Revelation gives its own kind of peculiar comfort in each generation.

On actually reading Revelation it doesn’t feel very comforting. It is full of terrible trouble that is going to come upon the world. It’s frightening to say the least. But there is some comfort in knowing that when the world seems to be a place of carnage and suffering, God hasn’t taken his eye off the ball. He knows.

What comfort is that, I hear you ask? He knows and he does nothing? He lets people go through that?

Here is the comfort that I think Revelation does offer. All through he has his children safe- perhaps not safe as we would like to be, but ensuring their place in heaven with him.
And as the forces of evil gather, they seem huge, all powerful, undefeatable- but when Jesus turns up on the scene, poof! They’re gone. No one is more powerful than our God.

And then of course there is what comes afterwards. God on his throne. Us with him. A new Jerusalem and a new earth. God himself wiping the tears from our eyes. And justice, like the world has never known.

I am rereading Corrie Ten Boom’s ‘The Hiding Place’. I read it last during my struggle with Alice’s illness and it helped me enormously in how to trust God. Now I am reading it not because of a personal crisis but to learn how to live as a Christian in a world full of evil.

Corrie and her family sheltered Jews during the second world war. They were eventually caught, and Corrie and her sister were sent to a concentration camp. Words actually fail me trying to describe this story. If you haven’t read it, read it. If you have, read it again.

There are so many things I could tell you about how Corrie’s testimony has helped me. But for now, I am just going to tell a couple.

As war broke out in The Netherlands, Corrie was given a vision of her family being taken away in a cart. She shared it with her sister, who said that if terrible things were coming, she was content that God knew them. She also said ‘the only safe place is at the centre of God’s will’. The vision came true; Corrie, her sister, her father and other members of her family were taken away and imprisoned.

As I read on, as Corrie and Betsie were taken to Ravensbruck concentration camp, and I read about how they were able to smuggle in a Bible, a jumper and vitamins, and how the vitamins did not run out, how they were enabled to share the Bible without interruption from the guards, a question arose in my mind. ‘God, if you could work all those miracles in the middle of Auschwitz, why didn’t you just stop the holocaust?’ But I was stopped in my tracks. Because Corrie and Betsie didn’t ask this. Daughters of a loving father, they had learned to trust God as a loving Father, to ask him to carry knowledge too heavy for them, to give them His love for people when their own failed. That God would give them the strength they needed at just the right time. And before she died Betsie said to her sister, ‘tell them there is no pit so deep that God isn’t deeper still. They will believe us because we’ve been here.’

There is one more book I want to talk about. I am reading a book called ‘Heaven’ by Randy Alcorn. I will be honest, I’ve been reading it for a year already and not got halfway through. But what I have read has been transformative for me. It’s convinced me that Heaven is far better, more real and solid, than I’ve ever dreamt of, and that God’s rescue plan is bigger and better than we realise too. Here is what he says:

‘God has his hands on the earth. He will not let go- even when it requires that his hands be pierced by nails. Both his incarnation and those nails secured him to Earth and its eternal future. In a redemptive work far larger than most imagine, Christ bought and paid for our future and the earth’s.


God has this beautiful, terrifying, confusing world in his hands- his scarred hands.

God on the streets

Surely your goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life

Yes, goodness and faithful love will pursue me all the days of my life.

Both are translations of Psalm 23:6

These words have captivated me.

It doesn't always feel true. In fact it usually doesn't feel true, if we are looking at the state of the world and our own circumstances. But the Bible constantly challenges us to change our perspective. To see things from a heavenly, eternal perspective.

And then to dare to believe it.

Many, many of God's children will tell you that when you dare to believe it, when you dare to trust through the storms, God proves himself true. His words and his promises prove true. His goodness, his faithful love and his mercy prove true.

He doesn't write our stories the way we would. We often pray for deliverance and get strength for the trial we would rather avoid instead. But he never wastes our suffering. He is always building us to be more like him and using us to build his kingdom.

Two friends spring to mind. Both have suffered tremendous loss and heartbreak, and both can testify to God's faithfulness and provision even in the heartbreak. It is truly humbling to hear their stories.

These words have changed the way I pray. I don't know about you but I have been praying for some heart-rending situations recently. For people suffering from mental illness who are running, scared. For their families who may not even know where they are. Sometimes a news story or an email stops me in my tracks. Such as the Nigerian schoolgirls taken from their dormitory. My mind and heart recoil from even imagining what they might be suffering. Could God follow them even there with his faithful love and mercy? His word says so and I am praying for it. He can reach where we cannot.

I recently watched this story from the charity Samaritan's Purse. There is something so wonderful about the way God can transform a person, can rewrite their story, and not waste a drop of their suffering but turn it into blessing for others. Listen to Hilario's story then watch his face as he plays with the children. I dare you not to cry.

The Lord's word is tried and true. Psalm 18.

Jesus knows the way home

I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. 

Psalm 23

Let me start with words from a wonderful writer, Max Lucado and his book 'Travelling Light.'

'The twists and turns of life have a way of reminding us- we aren't home here. This is not our homeland. We aren't fluent in the languages of disease and death. The culture confuses the heart, the noise disrupts our sleep, and we feel far from home.'*

                                        
I have wanted to write a post about death for a while. But it's not easy. I worry about being insensitive, about intruding on people's grief. I even wonder if I am qualified, not having yet had to grieve for those closest family ties.

But of course I am qualified. We are all going to die, me included. And as a Christian I have a wonderful hope, wonderful news about death. How unloving am I if I keep it to myself.

Jesus faced death. 
He conquered death.
He is alive.
And he knows the way home. 
He can take you there. 

I love the story in the book of John where Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. Not just because of the hope it offers of death conquered, not just because of the immense power Jesus has that even death cannot withstand, but because once again Jesus meet us where we are in all our humanness.

There are two bereaved sisters in the story. One goes out to meet Jesus and the other stays home. I will start with the second sister, Mary. She doesn't go out to meet Jesus. He asks for her. Then she goes, falls at his feet and weeps.

'When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.' Where have you laid him?' he asked. 
'Come and see Lord', they replied.
Jesus wept. 
(John 11:34-35)

Now there may be a significance to this that I am completely missing, but my reaction to this is one of amazement and gratitude- that Jesus, the Son of God, who is about to raise Lazarus from the dead- still, when faced with death, he weeps. He joins us in our grief and distress at death.

We are not, I think, as Max Lucado puts it, 'fluent in the languages of disease and death' because we are not meant to be, we are not made that way. Disease and death are part of the world which is in rebellion to God, as are all our hearts if we are really honest with ourselves. One day death and disease will be no more.

Back to the first sister, Martha. She shows enormous faith even in her grief, acknowledging that even now Jesus can do anything he wants. (Which reminds me, one amazing thing about knowing Jesus is we never have to despair.) And Jesus speaks wonderful words to her:


Jesus said, 'Your brother will be raised up.'
Martha replied, 'I know that he will be raised up in the resurrection at the end of time.
   'You don't have to wait for the End. I am, right now, Resurrection and Life. The one who believes in me, even though he dies, will live. And everyone who lives believing in me does not ultimately die at all. Do you believe this?'
    (John chapter 11: 23-26, The Message translation)

And Jesus goes on to call Lazarus out of the tomb.

As wonderful as that miracle is, it's not the best one.

I sometimes feel a bit sorry for Lazarus. He had to face death twice. The real miracle, the real treasure, is that in facing and enduring death himself, and in rising again, Jesus made it possible for us to live forever with him. He holds out the offer of eternal life.

The God of the bible not only joins us in our humanness and weeps with us in our grief. He actually walks through what we walk through. He faced death, he felt its terror, he died. Then he destroyed death.

I imagine that facing death is a very lonely thing. But we will not be alone. Jesus knows what it's like. He never leaves us. And he promises to take us home. So trust him.

'For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.' John 3:16

Even though I walk through the darkest valley I will fear no evil, for you are with me... Psalm 23

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Look! God's dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying  or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.   Revelation 21
 

*Max Lucado, Travelling Light, pg. 153

I don't want to talk about it...

I have not kept the good news of your justice hidden in my heart; 

I have talked about your faithfulness and saving power

Psalm 40

When I started to write this blog I wasn't at all sure, beyond the first few posts, what I would write about. It's not easy to talk about faith. I want to write in a way that invites many people to read, not just those who already believe what I believe. I thought I would stick with safe topics, so as not to upset anyone, keep it cosy and fluffy. But I am realising that life is not fluffy and neither is most of the Bible, and that I am not doing anyone any favours by doing that. So I am going to try and tackle some topics that I'd rather avoid. It won't be comprehensive but from a personal viewpoint. I am not a Bible scholar just an ordinary person living out my faith. I intend to be completely honest about my own struggles too. Messy faith.

I meet up once a week with some friends to study the Bible. Currently we are studying Revelation. It's a challenge although also an encouragement. It's like having a heavenly light shone on the world to see what's really going on (although it's a bit like reading code!) But it isn't a comfortable or easy read. One of the topics that has left me feeling uncomfortable is God's judgement.

We don't like to talk about it do we? I don't anyway. We want to hear about a God of love not a God of judgement. We find it hard to see through his eyes why judgement is even necessary at times. We aren't all that bad are we? And as for going up to family and friends and telling them that judgement is coming, well, I just don't feel right doing it.

A couple of things. Firstly, with judgement comes justice. And surely we all agree that justice is good.
And despite my tendencies to want to justify myself and claim to be 'not that bad', the more time I spend with God, reading his words, the more I realise how much I need his forgiveness.

 Time for some honesty. I didn't become a Christian overnight, I kind of grew into it. And this deal of God judging people, this heaven and hell thing, was nearly a deal breaker with me. I could understand why he would need to judge dictators and murderers but my family and friends- really? God solved my dilemma by asking me a simple question. Do you trust me?

For those of you who think I am weird for saying God spoke to me, it wasn't an audible voice but just an impression that landed on my heart. I remember that moment as clear as day.

And the answer was, and is, yes I do trust him. Look to Jesus and you see the kind of judge we have.
 
In chapter 8 of John's gospel the religious leaders bring before him a woman caught in adultery. They have judged her already and are all ready to stone her. But Jesus, the only one qualified to do so (as he points out to them), does not condemn her. Go and read it. It's beautiful.

Jesus, who from the cross, dying a painful death he did not deserve, prayed 'Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.' (Luke 23:24).

There's a famous story about kids in Sunday school who think the answer to every question is Jesus. Well once again I think the kids have got it right. For me, the answer always is- Jesus.

Is your God too small?

 Who is this that even the wind and waves obey him?

Last week we went on holiday to the Suffolk coast. Usually one half term of dealing with Alice's poor sleep and Harry's need for order is enough and by the time a school holiday comes around I am ready to retreat (usually to my parents' house) and recuperate. By the time we arrived at our holiday cottage I had tied my heart up in knots of weariness and anxiety. Harry relaxes almost immediately at the seaside, but Alice was coughing and not sleeping well and not eating, and those knots were getting pulled tighter.

I had taken with me a book called 'Grace People' by Michael Baughen, a really wonderful book which goes through God's promises and shows how the whole Bible ties together into one story. I reached chapter three, all about God's 'creation covenant', the promise he makes after the flood:

As long as the earth endures, seed time and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease.

  (Genesis 8:22)

At home in my kitchen I have a verse from Isaiah pinned to the wall. When I first read it, it struck me as so beautiful. Recently, I have to admit, my eyes have skimmed it but my heart hasn't responded. I have been too busy carrying worry around.

Even to your old age and grey hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

Isaiah 46:3-5

As I read Michael Baughen's explanation of God's promise to sustain creation, of the magnitude and power and merciful, faithful love behind that promise, my heart began to lighten. He goes on to talk about other parts of the Bible that show God as the creator and sustainer of the world and all it contains. Then he comes to the New Testament and shows how this theme continues:

Through him [Jesus] were all things made... he is sustaining all things by his powerful word. 

John 1 and Hebrews 1

Hang on, he is sustaining- he's doing it right now. The waves are crashing on the beach, the sun is rising and setting, the blossom is out on the trees. Jesus is sustaining me and my family even as I am busy doubting it. He is sustaining the whole world, of course he knows my little girl needs to eat, and how easy for him to help.

And once again I experienced that peace that Jesus not only promises but actually delivers, that comes to me when I open his words in the Bible and open my heart.  It surprises me and delights me every time. Suddenly it was easy to trust. I just need to keep going back every time those knots begin to form.

Easter bunnies

Whenever there is a sunny but cold spring day, my thoughts turn to chocolate eggs. My childhood Easters were full of breezy days rolling hard boiled eggs down hills to break the shells, (how did my granny get them quite that difficult to crack?) hot cross buns on Good Friday, church and of course far too much chocolate. Lots of aunties and uncles means lots of eggs. We would line them up along the top of Granny's piano and they were not to be opened till Easter Sunday. I have to say, though, I don't remember quite so many bunnies. They are everywhere now, all over pinterest and the shops.

The last few years, I have enjoyed recreating these childhood moments with my own children, and creating new traditions too. I have a photo of Alice just after her operation, in her pyjamas, painting eggs. This year, despite life being a bit calmer for once, I simply haven't got round to it. Perhaps it is because we were away last week and are away again now, perhaps I have simply been distracted. We haven't painted any eggs. We haven't made an Easter tree. We haven't made a resurrection garden (although there is still time for me to raid my mum's cupboards and dig up my dad's garden). And I am a bit disappointed with myself, because I have missed an opportunity to surround my children with images and words of Christ and what he has done for us.

Because they are surrounded by messages about Easter. Messages about cute bunnies who may or may not deliver chocolate. Messages that say 'are you ready for Easter' meaning 'have you bought enough eggs, preferably in our shop?' Messages that say it's not really about Jesus. Getting ready isn't really about meditating on the amazing loving sacrifice of the cross. And yes, I know it's the way of the world, but I don't want it to be the way of my children's Easter experience.

It's not that we haven't done anything. We have watched the Easter story on dvd, we have eaten hot cross buns and talked about the cross, we have done a simpler version of this (we ended up calling it Easter buckets for some reason!) I don't think for a minute they completely understood the message, but it doesn't matter- we talked about Jesus and made Easter about him. And I think I am getting better at 'gossiping Jesus'. I can't remember where I read that phrase, but it is all about this:

These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.

Deuteronomy 6: 6-8

We have had a picnic and talked about that picnic that Jesus had where he fed all those people from one boy's packed lunch. (Nicked that idea from a lovely book called 'Bake through the Bible'!) On the beach last week, we talked about who made the sea and the sky; we made sandcastles and I told them about God's promise to Abraham that his children would be 'more than the sand on the seashore' (Genesis 22).

Still, I have missed an opportunity to make Easter big and bold and a beautiful celebration. Chocolate is yum and bunnies are cute but only Jesus has a plan to save us from death. Next year I intend to decorate my house from top to bottom and celebrate in style.

A (short) thought for Mothers Day

My kids listen to the Australian singer Colin Buchanan in the car. He writes Christian music for children and it's very catchy (most of it). Lets face it, at this point in their lives they have no say in what they listen to, and I quite like this too! One of their favourite songs is called 'The Chooky and her chickies' (I did mention he's Australian didn't I?) Not least because the song involves lots of clucking like a chicken. So they get to be silly while learning a lovely truth about God- that he loves us like a mother hen loves her chicks. What a beautiful and motherly image. 

So in the words of Colin:

So if you're sad and sorry

Or if you're feeling worried

I suggest you hurry

To the shelter of God's wings.

 

Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing.
Matthew 23

My heart is not proud, Lord,
    my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
    or things too wonderful for me. 

 But I have calmed and quieted myself,
    I am like a weaned child with its mother;
    like a weaned child I am content.

Psalm 131

Happy Endings

I am addicted to happy endings. Ask my family and they will tell you that I have never wanted to watch or read anything in the least bit sad, scary or gruesome. I don't need tragedy or even realism in my fiction, thank you, there is plenty of that in the newspaper and on my doorstep. I studied English Literature at uni and I will tell you now that I love Jane Austen and loathe Thomas Hardy.

These days my reading is a bit lighter. I am currently hooked on a series of detective novels, what my mum likes to call 'cosy crime.' No gruesome details or serial killers, just a formulaic story where the heroine/detective hunts down the bad guys. She may get robbed or coshed on the head along the way, and her trusty assistant will have some struggles too, but I know she's going to survive and get the baddies because there's a sequel. And I've read a few now and that's how they go.

There is something very comforting about these stories. They create order out of chaos and answer a need in me- and I am sure not just me. Look how fairy tales and Disney sell us happy endings. 'And they all lived happily ever after.' Usually after a wedding day. But weddings aren't endings, they are beginnings. So where are all the real happy endings? Actually, can anyone show me just one?

You have probably noticed that Easter is on its way. (I have some mini creme eggs next to me, please don't tell Harry!) Last week I was helping in Sunday School, and I was able to watch the faces of Harry and his little friend as they heard the first part of the Easter story. The part that is hard to listen to, where Jesus is mocked, whipped, spat upon and ultimately crucified. I should say, the teacher told it very well and appropriately but I wanted to watch Harry as he is such a 'happy ending' kind of guy. Even some of cbeebies is too scary for him. And his friend got upset at storytime at our house when the big bad wolf landed in the three pigs' dinner. I found myself reassuring him that the wolf wasn't hurt, he just learned his lesson so that he won't eat any more little pigs. So you can understand that I wanted to see how they would take this story. And they clearly were not happy these things were done to Jesus.  But their teacher was able to say to them, 'don't worry, this story has a happy ending.'

Here's the thing. We haven't got to the end yet. And if you trust in Jesus, you believe in the best, truest happy ending ever. And if you don't know him yet, you can have this happy ending just by reaching out and taking the gift of forgiveness from Jesus. It does mean dropping everything that you are holding on to, but it is worth it.

As people who trust in Jesus, our endings are as certain as those of the novels I read. As certain as Poirot gathering all the suspects together at the end of a case. As certain as Jane Austen's heroines getting the man of their dreams. And much, much better. Here is what the Bible has to say about our future.

 Therefore they are before the throne of God,
    and serve him day and night in his temple;
    and he who sits on the throne will shelter them with his presence. 

 They shall hunger no more, neither thirst anymore;
    the sun shall not strike them,
    nor any scorching heat.

For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd,
    and he will guide them to springs of living water,
and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”

 And I am back to talking about heaven again. I recently read this in a Bible study and was enchanted with it:

Its from Revelation 7. I particularly love this translation (ESV) and this is why: I have talked about heaven before, about how there will be no more suffering, no illness, no pain. Those things are important and are present in this passage too, but the really amazing thing about heaven will be to be in the presence of Jesus. To be able to stand before God. And we see this here. To be sheltered by God's presence. How wonderful.

Now I think I need to go and finish my book. And maybe the chocolate.

Pirates and meerkats

                 
                     I had always felt life first as a story; and if there is a story there is a story-teller.
                                 G.K. Chesterton


Yesterday I went to a creative workshop run by a talented friend of mine, and spent the evening printing fabric. I cannot paint or draw even if my life depended on it and usually avoid anything like this, but these evenings are great because I get to borrow my friend's creative talents for an evening and actually make something, and it feels good.

I seem to be around a lot of people who are great at creating and making stuff. Maybe it's an east London thing. And it got me thinking about how our talents reflect God's image. When we create we are reflecting something of the original Creator. In an earlier post I shared some of the funny things my kids had said about God. My favourite remains Harry saying that God made people because 'he likes to play that.' And why not? If we are all made in God's image then surely a child with playdough shows us something about God's nature too. On a visit to the zoo at the weekend it occurred to me what fun it must have been to make a meerkat.

Despite my best efforts my children are not crafty. They quite like a bit of painting and sticking boxes together here and there, but what they are both driven to do is to imagine, to pretend.  This morning they were dressed as pirates and simultaneously acting out the three little pigs. And this too reflects their Maker, after all we know Jesus was a master story-teller. The quotation that I opened this post with is from a brilliant writer.  While I am enjoying learning to sew, print etc. I know I will never be great at it. But writing this blog has made me remember how much I used to enjoy writing, and how it really is a creative and pleasing process for me. Yes I admit it, I used to like writing essays at school!

Apparently in Heaven it won't all be sitting around on clouds, there will be work to do. I suspect, I hope, that those talents we have- whether we get to use them now or not- will suddenly be put to full use. I suspect that to work will feel good.

When things fall apart

'There is nothing a man can do when things fall apart.'
Psalm 11

So goes the advice given to David in Psalm 11. Other translations say the foundations are crumbling, law and order are no more. The wicked are firing their arrows everywhere. Flee to the mountains, cry David's friends.

I may not be living in a lawless society or fearing violence, but I expect we have all had times where it felt like things were falling apart. I have talked before of when my children were diagnosed with ASD and then epilepsy, and how one trouble came hot on the heels of another. As I sat in the hospital ward after receiving Alice's diagnosis of epilepsy it felt like the foundations of our lives were crumbling. My heart said 'God where are you and what's going on? How does my faith stand up to this?'

I had with me a book called 'The way of the righteous in the muck of life' by Dale Ralph Davis, and Psalm 11 is one of the psalms he looks at. Now at first reading Psalm 11 seems like a funny place to get comfort. In fact, on re-reading it this morning, I thought 'do I really want to write about this?' It is one of those Old Testament passages that makes me uncomfortable; it is certainly not a comfortable or safe picture of God.
 But it is worth a closer look.

As the foundations crumble around David and his friends suggest running away, he replies simply 'in the Lord I have taken refuge.' He does not panic or despair because God is 'on his heavenly throne.' In other words, God hasn't changed or gone anywhere. God knows exactly what is going on. And he will bring justice. In the psalm this is both comforting and terrifying. The description of what is coming to the 'wicked' uses some strong imagery. I often think that I am so uncomfortable with these descriptions because I do live in a relatively stable and safe place. Perhaps if I was in a North Korean labour camp or a country where my family could be dragged out of the house and killed just for being a Christian I would respond differently. If I read the news it doesn't take me long to start longing for justice.

You know what else? Our God is this God who will bring justice and judgement. He is also the shepherd who hunts for the one lost sheep and carries it home in Matthew's Gospel. He is the Father who stands at the door waiting for his child to return home in Luke 14. And he is the God who describes himself to Moses as slow to anger and rich in abounding love.

This psalm did bring comfort and peace, even relief, to me as I sat by Alice's bed in the hospital. Because it showed me that I could continue to trust in God even when all around is chaos. He is still the same God, he is still loving and just and 'slow to anger and rich in love.' He is still in charge. And one day we will see his face. Take your sunglasses.

Psalm 11

For the director of music. Of David.

¹ In the Lord I take refuge.
    How then can you say to me:
    ‘Flee like a bird to your mountain.
² For look, the wicked bend their bows;
    they set their arrows against the strings
to shoot from the shadows
    at the upright in heart.
³ When the foundations are being destroyed,
    what can the righteous do?’

⁴ The Lord is in his holy temple;
    the Lord is on his heavenly throne.
He observes everyone on earth;
    his eyes examine them.
⁵ The Lord examines the righteous,
    but the wicked, those who love violence,
    he hates with a passion. 

⁶ On the wicked he will rain
    fiery coals and burning sulphur;
    a scorching wind will be their lot.

  ⁷ For the Lord is righteous,
    he loves justice;
    the upright will see his face.

Psalm 145:8
 The Lord is gracious and compassionate,
    slow to anger and rich in love.

A story for Harry

Have you ever picked up a Bible and found the words on the page echoing the words in your mind?

I have the Youversion Bible app on my phone and on facebook. They have a verse of the day. Millions of people use this app. Yet on more than one occasion that verse of the day has spoken directly into my heart, as if it had been chosen just for me. How do they do that? How does God do that?

I could tell you about those, but today is a story for Harry.

When Harry's nursery first mentioned 'autistic spectrum disorder' we weren't surprised. But we were surprised to hear just how withdrawn he had been at nursery and alarm bells began to ring. Panicked, I rushed to the school he was due to start at the next academic year. They were brilliant. Two wonderful members of staff gave me an hour of their time to listen and talk and plan how to support him. It turned out that the teacher he was going to had taught a little boy that year who was very like our Harry. So she had the training, the resources, the expertise, and they assured me they were ready to go. And they were- Harry has blossomed from the day he walked into that school.

As I walked away with a weight lifted off my shoulders, I thought 'wow, God really went ahead of us and prepared that school place for Harry. I didn't see this coming but God did.'

Fast forward a few months to D-day- diagnosis day. As I sat waiting for the final assessment and Harry's diagnosis, I thought about that day and how God had gone ahead of us. I picked up a little book of Bible promises given to me by a friend, opened randomly and this is what I read.

           The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake
           you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
          (Deuteronomy 31:8).

One of my favourite blogs is at rachelwojo.com. She has a post on the names of God and one is JEHOVAH-SHAMMAH- God is already there.

So Harry- this is your promise from God. He goes before you and is with you. God's clever like that.

A story for Alice

Dear Alice,
When you were born, God sent an angel.

You know about angels from the Bible, don't you? We just heard about lots of them in the story of Jesus' birth. The pictures of them are usually big and shiny and they must be a bit scary because they always say 'Don't be afraid.' And they bring messages from God. Well this angel wasn't like that at all. In fact she was a real person (although you never know!)  but she definitely had a message from God.

Your birth wasn't very easy for you or me, and we were both very tired afterwards. There was a lovely midwife looking after us, who brought Mummy chocolate, and told me to cuddle you because you were upset. So the first night you were born you spent snuggled up to Mummy or Daddy.

The next day we found out you had to go to the hospital in the ambulance (we were in the birthing centre run by midwives not doctors.) Daddy was at home so it was just you and me and I was pretty scared. The lovely midwife was helping me to get ready, and I asked her to wait while I sent a text to our friends at church to ask them to pray for us. The midwife then asked if she could pray with us before we went down to the ambulance. So we sat together and prayed before we went to the hospital.

It might sound like a little thing, but to me it was a huge encouragement. The fact that this particular midwife was on duty at the right time, that she found out I am a Christian and was brave enough to offer to pray with me told me that God knew exactly what was about to happen and he was right there with us. The next week was very tough; you had a lot of tests and you also got ill in the hospital, so you were asleep for a few days. I couldn't feed you- first I wasn't allowed then you were just too sleepy. And changing your nappy without getting wires caught in it was so hard. But I was so grateful that I had had those few hours after your birth cuddling you and feeding you.

Sometimes its hard to see where God is and what he is doing. But if we look hard enough, if we look in the details and ask him to show us where he is, we will find him. The presence and prayers of that lady helped me through the next few months as we talked to doctors and wondered what was going to happen, what to do for the best. It helped me to trust God, to know that he walks with us. And I hope this story will help you too as you grow.

Because God doesn't ever leave us. He doesn't make mistakes or take his eye off the ball. And he is there with us no matter what we are going through. You are 'fearfully and wonderfully made'.

 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38-39