Earlier this week I gave a talk at my local church. Not something I usually do or feel particularly confident about. But when I was asked I knew straight away what I wanted to say. A couple of people who couldn't make it have asked to hear it. Well I'm not doing it again but you can read it! So here goes. My first ever blog post.
I loved Christmas as a kid. I loved the lights and decorations, making things with glitter, the anticipation and of course the presents. Although being a reindeer in the school play was a definite low and apparently I was fairly terrified of Father Christmas. This year I am enjoying reliving it all (not the reindeer costume) with my own children, H aged 5 and A aged 3. Last year I went through the motions with a heavy heart.
2012 was not a good year for us. My daughter was born in 2010 with an as yet undiagnosed genetic condition resulting in a few medical problems. In 2012 at the age of 18 months she had 2 operations which thankfully went well. Just as we were breathing a sigh of relief we were told by our son's nursery that he most probably was on the autistic spectrum. A few weeks later A had her first seizure and was diagnosed with epilepsy. It soon transpired that her epilepsy was going to be difficult to control; she began to have seizures in her sleep which caused her to be very distressed. We were trying drug after drug and test after test and the doctors were not positive about the future.
My world shrank. My daughter was too tired and too upset to go out. She needed me 24/7 so I couldn't take proper care of my son, relying on family and friends to help. I was feeling very scared of what the future held for my children.
So where was God in all this? What difference does it make believing in Jesus at a time like this? As it is Christmas, what help is that little baby in the manger?
I have to admit when A was very ill, I struggled with my faith for a while. I believe in a God who can heal, and yet night after night I was watching her suffer. And yet, I know that children get ill and suffer every day, children of Christians and non Christians alike. I know why the Bible says there is suffering in the world. But none of that really helped. My child was suffering and I WANTED IT TO STOP. Why wasn't God doing anything?
In search of answers I picked up a book by Philip Yancey called '
Disappointment with God'. Something he wrote sent me back to the Bible, specifically to the gospels, to read how Jesus responded to suffering. After all, the Bible tells us that Jesus is the Son of God, so if we want to know what God is like, what he thinks about something, looking closely at Jesus is a pretty good place to start. This passage from the gospel of Luke is just one example of I found.
"
Soon afterward, Jesus went to a town called Nain, and his disciples and a large crowd went along with him. 12 As
he approached the town gate, a dead person was being carried out—the
only son of his mother, and she was a widow. And a large crowd from the
town was with her. 13 When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, “Don’t cry.”
14 Then he went up and touched the bier they were carrying him on, and the bearers stood still. He said, “Young man, I say to you, get up!” 15 The dead man sat up and began to talk, and Jesus gave him back to his mother.
16 They were all filled with awe and praised God. “A great prophet has appeared among us,” they said. “God has come to help his people.” 17 This news about Jesus spread throughout Judea and the surrounding country."
I love this story. How does Jesus respond to this widow's grief? With compassion- "His heart went out to her." Like us he wants to end the suffering; unlike us he has the power to do so. He raises the woman's son to life. The people cry 'God has come to help his people.'
And that is what the little baby in the manger is about. God came as a man, to share in our messy lives. He sufffered immensely- persecution, rejection, crucifixion. The Son of God was not spared suffering.
Stories like this about Jesus helped me more than anything else in my faith. They show me the person that Jesus is, they show me God's heart for those suffering. They show me that he cares deeply that my child is suffering. When I look at the gospels, I know I can trust Jesus, and that I can trust my children to him.
My little girl still has epilepsy, although thankfully she is now on a drug which has greatly improved things for her. We do not have a diagnosis for what is wrong with her. My son does indeed have ASD and although he manages brilliantly well he will always find life confusing and frightening. God has not wiped our problems away. I truly believe he gives us little miracles every day but not the big ones.
But Jesus did not come to make our lives in the here and now easier. He doesn't want us to follow him for the miracles, for bread.
He has something better. He came to bridge the gap between us and God, a gap that is caused by our selfish hearts. He came to restore our relationship with God and to enable us to live with him forever in Heaven.
A takes 5 syringes of medicine every evening with a little treat for taking it. I tell her and her brother that when we get to heaven there will no medicine but they will still get chocolate buttons. (At least I hope there will be chocolate!) My highly anxious boy tells me, ' Mummy, in heaven no one will be sad, or angry or worried, because God will be there to look after us.'
I cannot make life perfect for my children, but I can point them towards a relationship with Jesus and tell them about heaven. The Bible tells us that in heaven we have an inheritance 'that will never spoil, perish or fade' (1 Peter 1:4). No one will get ill or old, there will be no war, starvation or cancer. BUT- the good things in this world will be so much better.
There is a wonderful book called the
Jesus Storybook Bible- written for children but so beautiful I love it myself. It says that Jesus came to make all the sad things come untrue. That sounds good to me.
