Every day is pancake day

Harry had pancakes for breakfast today. He will have them again tomorrow. It's one of the few things he will eat, and as far as he's concerned, a perk of lazier holiday mornings.

A lot of other people ate pancakes today too. And tomorrow we start the fasting, right...?

I grew up giving stuff up for Lent, going to church on Ash Wednesday etc but have been in churches with other traditions for so long now I am out of practice. But I miss it. And I'm not sure what to say to my kids about it.

I know what Lent isn't. It's not a second attempt to keep those resolutions I dropped half way through January. It's not time to go on a diet (that might not be a bad thing but lets face it, there's mini creme eggs in the shops). It's not time to earn a bit of God's favour either.

I've noticed something else. People saying 'don't give something up this year, give out or spread some joy, do something new or something extra.'

Like diets, those are good things, but is there something inherently wrong with giving things up? Something outdated or selfish or pointless?

I want to keep Lent because I want to get ready for Easter. I want a sense of anticipation, for the children as well as myself. I want time to reflect on what it really means. More time to sit with Jesus.

I've set myself some reading to rediscover Lent. I probably will fast from something. I probably won't tell you what it is because that's not the point of it. It might be facebook, it might be chocolate, it might be something else.I will undoubtedly fail at it so if you find me browsing facebook on my phone eating- mini creme eggs- don't be surprised.

Luckily I don't have to earn God's favour. I don't have to earn my place in his kingdom or his heart. He gave up everything for me, gives me his grace everyday. The least I can do is have a stab at giving up a few pleasures to seek to get to know him more.

Jumping on the valentine bandwagon a little too late (part one?)

My Pinterest feed has been full of hearts pretty much since Christmas. Now they are clearing out in favour of shamrocks and rainbows. The done thing for bloggers is to 'do' all the festivals and seasons, presumably to get more pins and readers etc. 

But my little tiny blog isn't setting out to conquer Pinterest and anyway I had nothing to say until now. 

When I think about God's love the verse that springs to mind is this:

'But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.' (Romans 5)

What would our friends think of us if they saw us at our worst moments? Our families see a lot of them but even they don't know it all. What if someone saw every angry or judgemental thought, every selfish impulse? A scary thought. 

Well someone does see it all. And he chose to die for us anyway.

There is a security and relief in knowing that we have been seen at our worst and still loved. And it's not because we are not as bad as we think. If anything, it is this acceptance and love that gives me the courage to look honestly at my own sinfulness. 

And that opens the door to... Well, go and read it for yourself in Romans chapter 5. I can highly recommend Eugene Peterson's translation 'The Message' ( if you don't have it you can read it at biblegateway.com. ) I'll give you a taster:

            'We throw open our doors to God, and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. (The Message, Eugene Peterson, Romans chapter 5.) 

I've called this part one. I may or may not get round to writing part two. I have spared you any pictures of sparkly hearts as I'm sure you've seen enough.

By the way, don't hold your breath for a post on shamrocks and pots of gold from me...

A promise (or two)

Joni Eareckson Tada said that God's children don't live on explanations but on His promises. *

This week during my bible reading two passages have jumped off the page shouting 'Alice' at me. 

        'My frame was not hidden from you when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.'
(Psalm 139)

This, and in fact the whole psalm, brings a lot of comfort to me as the mum to a child with a genetic disorder. We often read a children's version of this psalm. As we read ' I am wonderfully made, I jump for joy for what you have done', Alice jumps for joy around the room. Good, I want her to know this to be true with all of her heart, body and soul. 

The second passage is from Isaiah. I discovered it when Alice was ill; I read it every day and clung to it. So when it appeared on my kindle today, naturally my thoughts turned to Alice.

Even to your old age and grey hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
(Isaiah 46:4) 

I walked home today from a meeting with Alice's teacher, turning to God in my mind and wanting to talk to him about her. Then I realised that God had initiated a conversation with me about Alice days ago! And I realised the significance of these two promises together: He was there at the very start of her life, and he will sustain, rescue and carry her till the very end. 

*Diamonds in the dust by Joni Eareckson Tada

January Grey

It turns out I am a New Year- scrooge. I genuinely have been surprised at how many people have wished me happy new year. In my half-empty way I don't see the point of making resolutions that I didn't manage to keep last year or the year before, and can't really believe that a change of date makes anything different.

Then there's January. It's cold and dark and weeks till spring and no lights and decorations to dispel the gloom. (Although there are here, we deliberately left one string of lights up.)

So I have made some resolutions that I have a chance of keeping- read more books. Watch more films. Get more sleep. It's dark and cold, might as well embrace it. The children have rediscovered a love of baking so we are spending lots of time huddled round a mixing bowl with the oven on.

I am doing quite well on the reading front, having started my third book of the month (the top one in the picture.) It's by one of my favourite bloggers, Sara Hagerty. I have talked about her blog before, and her book shares the same name, 'Every bitter thing is sweet.'

Let me share some words which have struck me this morning, a beautiful description of those that know God:

   They acted as if they believed God didn't just tolerate them; He enjoyed them. And yet their messes were more visible than mine. I couldn't understand this combination, but it intrigued me. They lived and walked as if they knew God was good to them, though their circumstances said otherwise. These people liked to pray, and they referenced their day-to-day experience with God as if it were an adventure.

(Sara Hagerty, Every bitter thing is sweet.)

I have friends like this. They really bless me. We get together and 'gossip God'. They say things like 'guess what God is doing'. Or else we just catch up on the details of each others' lives, good and bad. But always with a reference to our God who is good to us. Always with an eye to where he can be found, or at least a heart longing for him. And I come away feeling encouraged by their very real stories of God's unfailing, pursuing, faithful love, and praising him in my heart.

One year on

It's been a year since I wrote my first post, about my family's struggles. Struggles which have improved but which are far from over. And my latest post was about a man healed.

Here's the thing about healing. We want it really badly. We long for it. We beg God for it. Those of us who believe in Jesus believe in a God who can heal. I truly believe he can and does heal today. But why so rarely?

I'm learning to see and to accept that its not always the best thing for us. God will always do the thing that brings us closer to him, and brings most honour to his name.

Illness and suffering bring us face to face with all that is wrong with the world. What Christians call ' the fall.'  And when faced with suffering, our own or that of those we love, we want out. Jesus knows that only too well. Just look at Gethsemane.

But what mankind has always, always done is to seek God for his gifts and then when we have them, turn our backs and go our own way. There is a danger inherent in seeking the gifts not the Giver.

And there is a special closeness and joy to be found in knowing Christ in his sufferings. To be brought alongside his loving heart which has suffered so much for us.

Yes we still long for healing and yes suffering still hurts. And we will get the healing, the wholeness, the peace. Some now and in its entirety in heaven.

I struggled with my children's diagnoses, especially with Alice's epilepsy. Its one thing to trust him with my own suffering, but with my tiny daughter's? Do I even have that right? To trust him even if he doesn't want to heal her. Her dedication day was a turning point for me. I really felt like I was relinquishing control, handing her back to God even if my heart broke. And I will never forget the friends who stood alongside us in prayer and heartbreak that day.

And a few weeks later her health started to change. The seizures lessened. The third medicine, which had a tiny chance of working, was working. Her smile and zest for life and cheeky spirit came back.

She is well. Not one hundred percent but good enough. I asked God one day why he didn't heal her properly ( not really expecting an answer) and he said 'to keep you trusting in me. My grace is sufficient.'

At the height of my 'yelling at the ceiling' prayers I told God 'if they are old enough to have the suffering they are old enough to have your Holy Spirit!' And I see him answering that, especially in Harry.

Harry loves to pray. He's excited by the Bible. His eyes light up when he hears about heaven. He longs to see God's face (as long as its not too bright. But nothing in heaven is too anything.) He's six years old and autistic. Would he have this vibrant faith if it wasn't for his autism? I think not. Struggling as he does with anxiety has pushed him towards a God who promises to take care of our worries, who is our refuge and safe place.

And Alice? I don't see that faith yet. But I know one thing. And if you've read my earliest posts you know it too. From the day she was born God has been writing her story. A beautiful and hard story but one that draws God close and then spills him out.

A story of transformation

In the book of Acts chapter 3 there's a man. He's lame from birth. He sits outside the temple in Jerusalem every day begging.

Jesus has been around Jerusalem a fair bit the last few years. He's been healing people. He must have walked past this man. Passed him by. Did the man see him? Did Jesus see the man? Most people don't, or pretend not to anyway. But Jesus wasn't like that.

But Jesus isn't seen around Jerusalem anymore. He was crucified. There are rumours that he came back to life, that he has been seen by his followers. I wonder how much this man saw and heard. Did he recognise Jesus' friends as they entered the temple? Or did his empty belly and weary heart weigh him down too much? Anyway the man isn't even looking properly at them. Best not to expect too much.

But these men stop. They look at him. They tell him to look at them. They must have something to give, right?
'Silver and gold I do not have, but what I do have I give to you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, I tell you,  walk!'

The man called Peter reaches out his hand. The lame man takes it. And he feels his legs, that have never walked, grow strong. Strong enough to stand. Strong enough to walk. Strong enough to jump! To dance! To leap around! What joy must have flooded this man's heart. And he turns that joy back into praise, for the God who has healed him, as he enters into the temple on his newly strong legs.

The crowd see. They see the man they have pretended not to see many times. They see the transformation and are astonished. Only Jesus has healed like this and he died.

Peter speaks bold and challenging words. Words that cut to the heart. Yes Jesus died, because you and I put him on that cross. But God raised him to life. Its time to respond to him.

And the miracle shouts that Jesus is alive. Jesus is still working.

I got home yesterday from leading a study on this passage and opened my emails. There was a story from
'Gospel for Asia.' A story of a man lame from birth. Not healed but being transformed anyway.

Jesus is still working.

How the Bible is like a soap opera (or Doctor Who)

My dad is a history buff. I find it fascinating but have a terrible memory for times, dates and places. They stay in my head for about 3 minutes.

I wanted to get some historical facts and figures about the Bible for this post but I had to search around for some help. The most useful thing I found was this: (I am getting to the soap opera bit, bear with me!)

             Approximately forty authors wrote in three different languages over a period of one thousand five hundred years. Some of the authors were young, some were old, some were soldiers, others were fishermen, farmers, civil servants or kings. They wrote during different periods of history, in different geographical locations, to different groups of people.
(Christianity Explored by Rico Tice and Barry Cooper)

Forty authors, 3 languages, 1500 years. And yet it is one story.

It's a while since I watched a soap opera but pre-kids I watched loads. Each day would bring a different character, a different drama, but there would often be one on-going story line which kept me watching. I had to know what would happen next.

Or take Doctor Who. The recent series have had a range of adventures, new every week, but with an undercurrent storyline. Cracks in walks, Missy, Bad Wolf. It keeps you coming back for more.

The Bible works a bit like that. There are stories within The Story: Cain and Abel, Noah, David and Goliath etc. But there's a theme, a promise running through. That the world went wrong, but God will fix it. There will be a way back to the garden (Adam and Eve's story), a ladder to Heaven (Jacob's story), a forever King (David's story), a precious Son sacrificed (Abraham's story.)

I suspect that the people who watch EastEnders on Christmas day are the same people that watch it all year. And while you can watch and enjoy a Doctor Who Christmas Special, I imagine that those who anticipate it more and appreciate it more are those who are loyal fans.

Likewise, if the only Bible story you ever hear is the Christmas story of the baby in the manger, it is going to lack impact and meaning. But if you have read from the beginning, you have a sense of the need of God's people for a rescuer, the promises given by God to restore the broken relationship with his children, the waiting, the longing, the prophecies... And finally, He is here!

The nativity story is not the beginning of the story. Nor is it the end.